Moving Tips: How to Uproot Successfully

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Charlotte; hiatus; florida; orlando; moving, Charlotte; hiatus; florida; orlando; moving; moving tips, hiatus; florida; orlando;, hiatus; florida; orlando; moving, uprooting, uprooting; budget

After what has been about a month hiatus, I’m back! The last month has been eventful and stressful and educational. Wedding reflections will come in a later post- for some reason, it’s still too soon to get into detail. I have trouble watching wedding shows now because I just can’t see things done a certain way after having put my heart and soul and sanity into doing mine differently. But one day I’ll reflect. Today: tips on successfully transplanting yourself to another state. As I mentioned before, my husband recently got a job in Orlando, Florida, and we have since moved here from Charlotte, North Carolina. I’m slowly learning that the house wife position is not for me, but more on that later. But through this process, I’ve learned several things and I’d like to share them here in the hopes that someone will learn through me doing things the difficult way!

First: Avoid Depression. They say that the best thing to do when you’re first married is to get away on your own and build a life together where your family and close friends have no influence over your decisions. Maybe for some people that’s true, but for me, not so much. I love my family and friends and we already did our year abroad away from everyone. I’m grateful that Pasan got a great job and I love our town home, but moving can really suck. For someone like me who survives on being around people, suddenly plunging into a lone-wolf life style can easily become a pity party. I’ve had several self reflective moments where I’ve realized that I literally can control my attitude and I must in order to remain positive. Is it silly that it took me almost 23 years to figure this out? Definitely. Save yourself some time and figure it out now. Tips on meeting people: join a workout class, find a church, find a job (easier said than done!) or just get outside! Try to run into your neighbors and start small conversations, unless you’re the kind of ballsy character who can get away with knocking on doors and introducing yourself. If that’s you, then go for it! 

Second: Plan return visits! The positive thing that I’ve noticed about moving to a different state is that when you do come back into town, people work hard to rearrange their schedules to see you. They’re more willing to splurge and be flexible because they know that this time is valuable. We spent Father’s Day weekend in Charlotte, and it was short but very sweet. Small negative issues are put aside because the time that you have together is a privilege and not one second should be wasted. So if you do move, remember to keep your ties because your return visits will be highly anticipated. 

Third: Grieve. I know it seems a bit dramatic (according to Farrah from Teen Mom) but it’s necessary to grieve a process like this. Starting a new life means saying goodbye to an old one. Maybe that means just saying goodbye to a house for some, but for me it meant saying goodbye to my family, friends, and Charlotte. Those were all very tough to leave and I’m still figuring out how I feel about it. All I want to do is be on the phone and facebook and email so that I can still be involved in life there, but too much of that and I’ll miss out on life here. There’s a fine line between keeping in touch & not letting go. Some days it seems easy and some days it seems Goliath-sized, but every day I find the balance and learn to be happy in what that day holds.

Fourth, and VERY VERY importantly: BUDGET! I can’t possibly overstate this. Many people know what moving expenses are like, but we are experiencing overwhelming bills coming from three different places! (Our two Charlotte apartments from before we got married and our current Orlando home.) I knew that moving was expensive since it seems like I try to move every year, but I was not expecting this. If I had known that we would be paying for all these bills pretty much all summer, I would never have made some of the purchases that I made. And that doesn’t even mean big things- several $20 shopping trips add up pretty quickly to one of my electric bills. So save save save money as much as you can! Until you are fully in one home, only buy necessities. If there’s one thing that I wish someone had knocked into my head before this whole thing, that would be it. 

These are just some lessons that I’ve learned throughout the moving process. What are some of your moving tips? 

Rules for Attending Weddings

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bride, bridesmaids, faux pas, friends, groom, planning, rules, rules for wedding planning, tomorrow, Wedding

It’s finally happened. I have found myself writing my last blog entry as a single lady and Charlotte native. Of course, Charlotte will always be my home and Pasan and I have legally been married since the end of March, but our wedding is tomorrow and that is the day we will celebrate getting married.

It’s amazing the amount of things that can go wrong when you try so hard to be laid back about wedding planning. 5 of the 10 tuxedos we ordered from Men’s Wearhouse were sized completely wrong, we ended up just finishing the centerpieces tonight, and I hate my mani/pedi that was so expensive. But the rehearsal was fantastic so I have high hopes for the wedding going down without a hitch.

The mood around my apartment is similar to Christmas. Full of people who are all sleeping while I finish the last of my night before I finally resign to sleep. Technically, it’s already the 18th, but I have several more hours to go before I register that fact. My bridesmaids are top of the line in every aspect and they have gone the extra extra mile in making this day special for me. I love each of them so much- as I love everyone who has come to celebrate this momentous occasion with us.

It seems that now is as good a time as any to point out several faux pas that the general public has not yet acknowledged re: wedding planning.

Rule # 1: NEVER tell the bride, in any shape or form, not to worry. It’s insulting. It is her wedding, and she will worry about every detail. It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t trust the person carrying out the task, but she will always feel better about doing something herself.

Rule # 2: Do not BAIL on the wedding and reception! Unless an emergency comes up, if you RSVP’d for the wedding, you better be there! Ask off for work in advance because you have been considered a great deal in this wedding. You may think that you are only one or two people, but make no mistake that everything about your experience has been of the utmost importance to the planners. We have had several people back out this very week for reasons not made known to us and each of these people was specifically placed at a certain table that now has to be completely changed. Weddings are a big deal and if you say you will go, then get your tail there.

Which brings me to Rule # 3: RSVP! It is amazing how many people did not return RSVPs to us! So much time and money was spent on stamps and return envelopes, but to no avail! We received very few RSVPs compared to the amount that we sent out. Word of mouth does not count- mail in your RSVP as soon as you possibly can. If you plan to be there, the bride and groom need to know. And it is also very helpful to return your RSVP noting that you cannot attend if that is the situation. Don’t assume that they will know by you not returning it- I just felt like people were going to mail them in past the deadline and weren’t telling me. Every “no” or “yes” I received in the mail was greatly appreciated and relieved a tiny bit of tension and stress.

Rule # 4: Excepting emergencies or urgent situations, do not text or call the bride with questions. Send an email so that she can have time to formulate a response, but try to send your questions to the maid of honor, mother of the bride, or wedding coordinator. I am overwhelmed by people asking me questions. I have been told that it’s best not to keep my phone with me at all on the day of the wedding. Your questions about the location and directions should NOT be directed to the bride or groom on the day of the wedding!

These are, in my opinion, some of the common courtesies of attending a wedding. I welcome comments, additions, or refutes to these items and would love to hear if other brides feel the same way!

See you on the other side!

Bachelorette

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bachelorette, charlotte, nightlife, party, supermoon

These are just a few moments captured from my bachelorette party this weekend that my fabulous friends threw for me. It coincided with Cinco de Mayo and the Supermoon sighting! Beautiful weather and fun times in Charlotte. I’m going to miss this!

Unemployed

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identity, job hunter, orlando, real housewives, unemployed, wedding plans, women

Today is my first day of being unemployed since the age of 15. I have worked at several jobs, but I have never quit one without another to go to. Of course I’ll be job hunting in Orlando, and hopefully I’ll find something that will allow work from home time. The 8-5 hours 5 days a week life is just not for me. My point of view is that I spend so much time and money on making my home into my favorite place in the world, so why would I want to only be there a few hours out of the week?

That being said, today feels odd. I won’t be receiving a paycheck for the foreseeable future (with the exception of whatever remains of my vacation days reimbursement) and that brings me to wonder what I’ll be contributing to society. You see, in this day and age, most women find their identity in their work. I know more working mothers than stay at home moms, because society drives women to be the perfect mother AND the ambitious business woman clawing her way to the top. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve been asked “so will you look for a job in Orlando?” And I feel obligated to say that yes I’ll be job hunting, because a woman with no children has no excuse to stay home. To be fair, I want to work. But I want to be happy, also, and so I won’t be settling for a job where I’m unhappy most of the time. Still, the implied answer to this question is yes, I will be looking for a job or yes, I already have a job lined up. I feel that the only way I would be able to stay at home without turning heads in a negative way is if I had a baby or was asked to headline the Real Housewives of Orlando spinoff (and I seriously doubt that’s happening) so it’s just the baby thing. Unfortunately, I want a puppy right now, and that isn’t an excuse to stay at home.

So the things I have planned for the next two weeks (packing and wedding planning) will be my job until further notice. Let the record show that I fully intend to begin bringing in a paycheck and therefore restoring my identity to the world asap. Until that time, I’ll be on the lookout for invites from Bravo to start an Orlando based reality show where people hate me for my snarky comments.
Guess I’ll have to start having a much more dramatic life before that happens!

Checking Out

Tags

big picture, checking out, headache, memories, new day, stress, Wedding

Today marks two weeks until my wedding. I can’t express how excited I am! But I also feel like I’m coming dangerously close to understanding when people say they’ve “reached their limit” or are “emotionally spent.” You can never please everyone, and you can’t have memories that you can look back on with joy while you’re harboring anger and irritation. Everyone has a little drama, and some more so than others! But my goal from the beginning with this wedding has been to enjoy it. I’m already at a disadvantage because I hate event planning, but tomorrow is my bachelorette party, and the next weekend is my bridal shower, and then it’s the wedding! I officially have no more free weekends before the wedding! (Although that’s been true since the beginning of April.)

Sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of the main picture, and when I dig deep into my soul as writing causes me to do, I see that I’ve done that today. The big picture is that in two weeks from this very moment, this whole thing will be over. And at THAT time, I will regret THIS moment. So even though right now I feel like checking out and taking a two week sleeping pill, I’m growing through this season.

Writing, for me, is the last piece of the puzzle. Now I can rest because I’ve completed the day. I’ve dug deep into the white hot parts of my soul and realized that today my attitude needs to change. I’ve been wrong. And when I wake up tomorrow, it will be a new day and I will treat it that way.

Accepting Stress

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gum, stress

It’s getting to me. The stress combined with 90+ degree heat is finally weighing me down. This is my last week of work and I have so much to do, but I literally do not have the energy to do it.

We’re going to lunch today as an end of year celebration, and after that I plan to come back in the office and get my butt to work. I will not leave this position in a shambles for someone else to clean up.

Now I’ve said it and it will be done! Already I feel more empowered and energetic. I will take the next few hours to relax and let myself give in to the thoughts that are running around my mind, and then that’s it. Starting at 2pm, stress- you are gone!

Someone just came into our office and gave us gum…day better already!

Good luck

Visitation Rights

Tags

marriage, orlando, partnership, visitation, Wedding, wedding planning

This weekend, I’ve been visiting my fiance in Orlando, Florida. He is currently preparing a place for us to live here after our wedding in less than one month.  Being apart has been difficult, as we are like one soul divided. But such is life, and I’ve had to spend the last two weeks without him and I will spend the next two weeks without him as well.

(I realize that one month does not sound like a lot of time, given that there are many military husbands and wives who do not get to see their loved ones for much longer periods than that, and I don’t for one second want to sound like I’m trivializing their pain. The sacrifices they make for us are astounding and we should never forget it.)

That being said, it’s hard being apart. It’s especially hard given the fact that I’m an independent girl. I always have been. I’m the oldest child and I’m accustomed to doing things my way without checking in with anyone to see if it’s ok. Of course, growing up I had to check in with my parents, but the first day of college I remember settling into my dorm room, and then heading out and thinking- I can literally do whatever I want and I don’t have to report to anyone! It’s been a downhill spiral from there as far as reporting my activities goes.

In the last three years, however, I’ve been slowly seeing that I’m no longer an “I,” but part of a “we.” I’m sure that more than one person out there can sympathize with how difficult it is to swallow your pride (oh yea, I have a lot of that too) and realize that you really should have checked in before making those plans and assuming your significant other would play along. I’ve been gently accused of being bossy at times, and of course I scoff at the claims. After all, it’s not being bossy when my way is the right way and people should just do what I say all the time, right? Wrong! Lessons 1-10 in marriage counseling= completed. You don’t even owe me anything for them.

You see one thing I’ve learned (other than the right way to have an argument; post on that to follow) is that I can’t be in a successful relationship and make plans without consulting my fiance. Even plans that I know he would enjoy, I need to run by him first. This was a lesson hard learned over the course of our relationship because that kind of thing comes naturally to him, but it doesn’t for me. I had to work hard to remember that Pasan is not my little pet, he’s my partner.

This weekend, on my 3 day break from the real world where I’ve been visualizing my future life in Orlando, I realized that I finally reached the other side of this learning curve. Out of the blue, I found out that Pasan is taking a day trip to Miami in a few weekends. Do I care? Absolutely not. Was I put off that I didn’t know? Yes! And I couldn’t even pinpoint why! But now I realize it’s because partners trust and communicate at all times. Now that I’ve conditioned myself to be one half of this whole unit, I automatically turn to him with all updates.

So even though I still consider myself independent, habits are hard to break once formed. I’ve worked very hard to find the right balance of being in a successful relationship and still being myself. Obviously Pasan and I don’t have the perfect relationship, but we know that it takes work to be together forever. Time is flying by as the wedding approaches, and it can’t come soon enough. Being apart sucks. Luckily I have wedding festivities to distract me from being lonely, and then I perma-honeymoon in Orlando!

Here are some shots from this weekend…

Oh Hey, Zac Efron

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friends, girls night, Google Image, movie reviews, movies, moving, ooo la la, Zac Efron

Yesterday was one of those crappy work days, so my boss spontaneously decided to take me to see The Lucky One (Zac Efron, Taylor Schilling) after work. Let me just say- when did Zac Efron grow up! I don’t feel like High School Musical was that long ago, but ooo la la God did something right with that guy! For a while I kept thinking of him as a teenager but a few semi-nude shower scenes were enough to make me change my mind and forget about my cherry coke!

There’s something to be said for a girls night at a Nicholas Sparks movie. One thing I’ll miss when I move is my close friends here with whom I can randomly drop everything and see a movie.

The Lucky One is the perfect pick-me-up for a rainy cold front in Charlotte. Something about movie theatres makes me want to stay for hours and buy out their popcorn supply (although at this point it’s either pay for popcorn and a drink at the movies or pay rent.) I have to say that I was disappointed in The Vow (Channing Tatum, Amanda Seyfried) which was my last girls outing movie! I mean c’mon- how believable is it really? Let’s ignore the fact that it’s based on a true story. I was pleasantly surprised with The Lucky One, however. I don’t like tear jerkers, and I will say I got a bit emotional in this one, but nothing on the level of The Notebook (or The Curious Case of Benjamin Button- that movie dehydrated me.) The general premise of the movie is that Zac (yes we’re on a first name basis) is a marine on his third tour in the Middle East. He finds a photo that ends up being something of a good luck charm for him as he survives events where other comrades were not as lucky. Upon returning home and not finding where he truly belongs, he searches out the girl and apparently walks from Colorado to Louisiana to find her, just to deliver his thanks for saving his life. I won’t say more- that’s only the first 15-ish minutes. I thought that Zac Efron played a very believable marine. It was inspiring to see such an honorable portrayal of the men who everyday risk their lives for our safety. Cards on the table, I’m not personally acquainted on a close scale with any marines, but I know a guy who knows a guy. Taylor Schilling plays a good single mother who’s guarding her heart from any kind of love. One thing that threw me off was the scene change in the beginning. I was confused with the progression of events but I think that was the director trying to find the fine line between a war movie and a chick flick. He obviously didn’t want to spend too much time on war scenes, but I think a little more background information would have been helpful.

I won’t spoil any of the surprises, but I would easily see it again in theatres. Not too long and not too short. This may be one for the permanent collection!

One note: Ladies, if you’re in a relationship and your significant other doesn’t treat you like a queen, this may be a disappointment for you. Zac Efron should look out as you will be stalking him soon. My boss and I spent a significant portion of today google imaging him. Am I proud of it? …yes.

Wedding Plansanity

Tags

crazy, Life, moving, planning, plans, stubborn, Wedding

Wedding planning is getting the best of me right now, I have to admit. Sometimes I just want to fall asleep and wake up on May 17th and get the rehearsal taken care of! Through this process, I’ve learned that I’m not an event planner.  I hate planning events and I don’t like everyone asking me what I think about something. If I have an opinion, I will almost always share it. If not, please don’t put that pressure on me. I feel like I’m going crazy and my only comfort is in knowing of several other friends who are going through the same things in life right now!

Surprisingly enough though, I seem to have an ethereal peace about the situation. Internally, I’m miserable. Externally, I have yet to tear a human being to pieces verbally or otherwise. I haven’t lost my temper, I haven’t gotten unreasonably upset at wedding party participants, and I have been extremely open to suggestions. I can credit this to one thing: I’m so freaking stubborn that I won’t let myself get frustrated.

From the beginning, I have told myself that I didn’t want this to be a stressful process. I knew it would be, but I didn’t want unnecessary worry and irritation floating around in my life. Now, not only am I planning a wedding, but my fiance is in Orlando starting our new life together without me and I’m here alone to deal with the plans and pack up. My parents are packing up their house and moving to another state, my grandmother recently passed away, and I’m quitting my job (or my second family as I like to call it.) Are we under stress? Yes. But I think that because I made such a big deal about not letting the stress get to me, I am stubbornly not letting myself appear any different than usual. I have a essentially memorized a few different answers to the same general questions that people ask (different enough so that when they compare my answers later, they each seem dissimilar enough to be heartfelt responses but not contradictory or off the wall to make people think I’m just spouting off crap to each different person. The trick is keeping everyone on your side in this process.)

Wedding planning is a gas to some people. Sometimes I’ll open up to a semi-stranger just because I feel like they should learn a lesson for asking a personal question and I let them know that I hate wedding planning and it isn’t for me. This usually warrants a shocked gasp like I just insulted a golden retriever puppy. I have yet to come across a sympathizer- and I know I’m not the only one! In the spirit of not sounding like a psycho, I make sure to add that I just want to be married. That is, after all, the goal isn’t it? Why spend so much time and energy on one portion of a day! I think the illogicality of that is another thing that’s throwing me off. Thank God I only planned a wedding for 6 months- I couldn’t stand anymore build up for a single event. I’m excited about the ceremony, but I’m more excited about moving home with my fiance and finally having one domicile. One place to go to everyday- not a choice to make. One life to build, not two lives to maintain.

22 days and counting! Here’s to no heads rolling until then!

Moving is a Grieving Process

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change, charlotte, friends, grieving, Life, moving, north carolina, orlando

Today I realized a few things. First of all, it’s been way too long since my last post. Second of all, I’m moving to Orlando in one month.  One month! It’s been resting in the back of my mind that I’m moving and changing my life completely to be with the love of my life in what can only be described as the opportunity of a lifetime, but sometimes it hits home that I’ll be saying goodbye to North Carolina for the foreseeable future.

I read this post today: 10 Ways to Make Friends in a New City. It conveniently comes at a time when I am going to be relocating. I pretty much thrive on the daily interactions I have with my co-workers (or as I call them, my other family) and my immediate family and friends.  That being said, I know that the relationships you make in a new city can either make your experience awesome or awful.  When Pasan and I lived in France for a year, he consistently reminded me that I needed to live in the moment and enjoy the city I was in rather than focusing on what would happen when I returned to Charlotte. And the friends I made there are some of the best people in the world. It broke my heart to leave them and return home, even though I had my eye on my future in Charlotte for the better part of the year. It’s important to remember that you have to focus on your life instead of focusing on the lives that you’re leaving behind. It’s necessary to keep in touch and catch up, but it’s also imperative to immerse yourself in your new life.  We’re not sure where our life road leads, but I hope to end up in North Carolina again one day. In order to enjoy my life now though, I need to grieve for the end of my time here and plan for the beginning of my life in a different place.

Last week, my grandmother passed away. I haven’t been ready to write a post on that yet but soon maybe. My family gathered together to celebrate her life, laugh about old jokes, and coo over baby photos. I came home with a treasured picture that captured the first time that my grandmother held me in the hospital after I was born. After a period of grieving, we separated and are now attempting normalcy again. Of course, we will always remember and be sad that she isn’t here until we see her again, but she would want us to be happy and enjoy our lives now. My point with this mini story is that grieving is important. Gathering with friends and family and remembering good times and laughing together is important, and so is crying for the time that will be spent apart. However, once the period of grieving has passed and it’s time to move on, it’s so much easier (if that’s even an appropriate way to put it) when you know that you said what you needed to say and are leaving in peace.  My other grandmother passed away when I was in France, away from family, and that grieving process was so different because I never experienced any closure as I did with this most recent experience. When I leave my life in Charlotte and start a new life in Orlando, I want to make sure that I don’t leave with regrets. Yes I’m planning a wedding and filling out immigration documents with Pasan and packing up my life, but taking time to spend with my family and friends comes above all that because after the dust has settled and I’m a 9 hour drive away from them all, I don’t want to look back with regret.

People ask me if I’m excited to move, and my answer has probably been very different each time. I actually hope that none of my co-workers are comparing my answers as they would probably think I was trying to mess with their minds by telling them different stories! Sometimes I remember that I’m sad to move and leave this familiarity, but sometimes I get so excited for change! This cold front in April isn’t making me want to stick around very much either if I’m being honest. Since Pasan will have a job but I won’t yet, everyone’s second question is, “What will you do there?” Hmm…that’s another one with a different answer each time! I always say I’ll write, because I love writing, but what else will I do? The world is at my fingertips! Maybe I’ll get my interpreting certificate for French, or maybe I’ll continue to teach myself Russian. I have plans to expand my blog into the food sector (more on that to come) and of course the ever present gym goals are finally seeming to be within my reach.

So for the next month (one month until the wedding!) I’ll be grieving and laughing and crying and more laughing, and treasuring these moments. Because soon I’ll say goodbye to them and open my life up for endless possibilities. I’m scared and I also can’t wait!

Stay tuned